The importance of integration for personal growth
“It's easy to be a holy man on top of a mountain".We learn new things when we experience new situations like travelling or studying.
We should aim to integrate these lessons & insights into our life and network, even when it's challenging.
Travel vs home
A couple of my friends have recently returned from sabbatical style travel trips, emerging back into the smog of their respective cities and wondering ‘Who am I here? What about all the lessons and realisations I had when I was away?’ The same sentiment comes from people who have sat in silence in Vipassana meditation retreats, or even those who have simply enjoyed the new routine of a holiday. It might be deep spiritual ideals and revelations they want to hold on to, or simple behaviours like meditating to become a calmer person, or checking your phone less often. Sometimes, when we return back to our familiar surroundings it can be challenging to continue these behaviours and beliefs - but I believe it is a challenge that is worth the effort.
The importance of integration
A yoga teacher I met a couple of years ago told me that the real challenge with the spiritual journey of yoga and meditation is not mastery of the poses, ethics or practice but rather “Integration”: how do you integrate these lessons into other parts of your life? How do you behave when you’re at a bar, in the office, or with a very stressed out person? “It's easy,” as the phrase goes, “to be a holy man on top of a mountain.”
It’s easy to remove attachments, drop the ego and live with the flow of life when nothing is challenging or tempting you - whether it’s stressful office environments, a delayed tube journey, or black Friday deals. But pressure makes the diamond, and when you are challenged you are able to double down on your own integrity and habits and, in doing so, learn that the ideas and ways of living you discovered in a new environment aren’t whimsical personality traits you borrowed, but instead steely inner compasses that travel with you.
The challenges of physical location and social network
If you feel challenged by the norms around you - the fact that you have to go to the pub if you want to see friends, the fact that processed foods are cheaper than healthy foods, or the fact you have to squeeze in a short workout before work instead of integrate exercise into your life more holistically, then you may be right. Environment does nudge us to a certain life quality and set of behaviours. For a healthy life, it is easier to move somewhere where health is baked into the life around you, like in Blue Zones, rather relying on the brute force of self discipline to create healthy habits.
We also have social challenges. We’ve all heard the idea that “You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with”, and sometimes our need for ‘belonging’ can override our newfound habits or values. Steven Pinker wrote:
“People are embraced or condemned according to their beliefs, so one function of the mind may be to hold beliefs that bring the belief-holder the greatest number of allies, protectors, or disciples, rather than beliefs that are most likely to be true”
But while it is true that our environment and social network will have a great influence on our life, and we should choose them carefully to determine our life experience, I also believe we can have an influence on our environment and social network and we can integrate new mental models into old ways of being. We have more influence than we think.
What I learnt with integration
It can feel clumsy to integrate new habits or ways of thinking into your life. For example, I shared this Meditation Experiment I’m running (starting tomorrow) to a corporate audience, e.g. on LinkedIn, and indeed I send these things to you my wonderful reader who originally joined this newsletter for side project related musings. I’m combining new things I’ve learnt with older networks, because I think they are valuable and relevant.
But what is beautiful in this process is that you learn that others - just like you - hold multitudes too. For example, investors and founders have both messaged me about the meditation course, not just creatives or ‘spiritual seekers’. Plus, you begin to integrate different sides of your personality and interests, and you often create a richer and more unique world and ultimately create more interesting work.
All this is to say - don’t be afraid of bringing new things to old places. Choose your network and physical location to align with your life goals, but when it comes to new realisations or lessons learnt, if the lessons are important they will remain and strengthen, and if not you may upgrade the lessons you learnt with new information. The worst case scenario, in my view, is to remain a ‘holy man’, stranded at the top of the mountain - too afraid to come down to the seaside or city lest you lose your own flimsy principles.